Friday, January 23, 2009
I usually like it.
I like knowing someones being 'for real" and I like being "for real".
But the truth of the matter is that sometimes it hurts.
Transparent is what I'm being today, and always....good or bad.
So it's with a very heavy heart that I open up to you today.
This morning Trinity, my 4 year old that never stops talking began a conversation with me. (Nothing unusual there) I was busy catching up on blogs, checking email and drinking coffee so I only caught bits and pieces of what she was saying plus she was talking threw a mouth stuffed with cinnamon toast crunch (or at least that's what the cereal resembles).
Careful to nod occasionally and "uh, huh" her now and then, she rattled on.
She told me all about her horrible cough and about her brother wasting his cereal. She asked for the 694th time when was it going to be her Mommy/Daughter day like Lib got last weekend. She told me that she really likes the fresh orange juice I make and wishes that our trees had oranges all year 'round. ---Then she said this.....
"Liberty told me stories about God last night in bed. She told me about when the bad guys said Jesus was a liar, but he wasn't mom... the bad guys just didn't like Jesus. I'm glad Liberty told me those stories mom cause I was starting to forget about God."
It was right about then that she had my complete, undivided attention. It was also right about then that I felt like a freight train ran into my stomach.
Talk about conviction.
These are the things missionaries deal with. If a missionary family is blessed to have a church to attend and there's actually a Sunday school time for the kids, it's normally in another language. And if that missionary mom (we're talking about me here) doesn't do her job at home of telling her preschooler bible stories in English, then the said preschooler will apparently forget what she's been taught. ----Ouch..
I had to turn away from her, walk to the sink, wash dishes and compose myself. All the while crying silently out to my Lord for forgiveness.
After blowing my nose 40 times, we talked about Adam and Eve, the three Hebrew boys and Joseph's coat of many colors. We found audible bible stories online that she listened to while I finished cleaning the kitchen.
Folks....transparency hurts. Missionary life is not all glamor and we face trials raising our children just like you. My job of wife and mother is the most important..... and I've been off track.
Pray for me.