Tuesday, March 11, 2008
I Did It For Her
Since the second day we were in Portugal, we had the date set to begin language school. The date we set was Tuesday, March 11th. That was today. I didn't want to do it. I wanted to stay in bed and mope around a little more. I didn't even get out of my pj's yesterday, I was considering doing the same thing today. I wanted to continue to morn. After all, how could I focus on language school when my Grandmother's funeral was today? How could someone expect me to be "worth a dime" today? I was doing good to have school with the kids and make sure they had meals prepared for them. How could anyone expect anything more from me, especially today?
I mentioned to Michael that "I wasn't up for it yet...could we push it back a little?" He replied, "We've already waited too long....it's past time to begin." I thought, "We have been here 3 weeks today! Barely enough time to find the grocery store and to locate the sour cream....what do you mean we've already waited too long?!?!" "We still have furniture that's not been delivered..and to top it all off...my grandmother died!" I thought this, I didn't say it....I wanted to though.
This morning as I was getting dressed, I had a conversation with my grandmother. (No, she wasn't standing in my bathroom....again, this was all in my head, and in my heart.) I told her all about how I wasn't ready for language school. I told her how I wanted to mope around and not get anything accomplished today. I wanted to stay in my pj's and I wanted to only think of her all day long. Do you know what she told me? She said, "Nina, the quicker you learn that language, the sooner you can tell the Portuguese people about our precious Savior who died not only for our sins, but for their sins as well." She told me, "Go, and do it good." (This was one of the last things she told me during my last conversation with her.)---It was then that I realized, I had to do it. I didn't have a choice. That's why I'm here. That's why my dear husband said it's already been too long, because there are souls in the balance. We have work to do! My Grandma was thrilled for us to be here. She would want nothing more than for me to get dressed, take care of my family & learn Portuguese so I could tell others about Him. Even if it was the day of her funeral. I'm sharing my heart with you tonight...I didn't want to do it, but I did it for her. Now, after it's all said and done with, I'm glad I did and I'm looking forward to our next class. Even more so, I'm looking forward to when I can lead someone to Christ!
When I was a rebellious teen, I had a little note taped up on the inside of my closet door that said, "Who Cares?" It was a sign of my attitude toward most things in life. I didn't really care who I hurt, or how I hurt myself. One day, while looking in my closet for clothes, I noticed where my grandmother had taken a pencil and had written, "Grandma does" underneath it. That note hung in that closet until my mom and step dad sold that house a few years ago. ---I will always remember her. She was so precious to me. Grandma always cared. Even if I thought no one else did, I always knew she did.
Thank you to everyone who has shared an encouraging word with me. For the calls, the emails, the comments you left on this blog and pictures you've sent. My cousins have been so precious during this time. They really made me feel like I was a part of everything. Oh, how I wanted to be there. Only God knows how much.
"I love you Grandma, and I'm going to miss you terribly."