Tuesday, March 11, 2008

I Did It For Her


Since the second day we were in Portugal, we had the date set to begin language school. The date we set was Tuesday, March 11th. That was today. I didn't want to do it. I wanted to stay in bed and mope around a little more. I didn't even get out of my pj's yesterday, I was considering doing the same thing today. I wanted to continue to morn. After all, how could I focus on language school when my Grandmother's funeral was today? How could someone expect me to be "worth a dime" today? I was doing good to have school with the kids and make sure they had meals prepared for them. How could anyone expect anything more from me, especially today?

I mentioned to Michael that "I wasn't up for it yet...could we push it back a little?" He replied, "We've already waited too long....it's past time to begin." I thought, "We have been here 3 weeks today! Barely enough time to find the grocery store and to locate the sour cream....what do you mean we've already waited too long?!?!" "We still have furniture that's not been delivered..and to top it all off...my grandmother died!" I thought this, I didn't say it....I wanted to though.

This morning as I was getting dressed, I had a conversation with my grandmother. (No, she wasn't standing in my bathroom....again, this was all in my head, and in my heart.) I told her all about how I wasn't ready for language school. I told her how I wanted to mope around and not get anything accomplished today. I wanted to stay in my pj's and I wanted to only think of her all day long. Do you know what she told me? She said, "Nina, the quicker you learn that language, the sooner you can tell the Portuguese people about our precious Savior who died not only for our sins, but for their sins as well." She told me, "Go, and do it good." (This was one of the last things she told me during my last conversation with her.)---It was then that I realized, I had to do it. I didn't have a choice. That's why I'm here. That's why my dear husband said it's already been too long, because there are souls in the balance. We have work to do! My Grandma was thrilled for us to be here. She would want nothing more than for me to get dressed, take care of my family & learn Portuguese so I could tell others about Him. Even if it was the day of her funeral. I'm sharing my heart with you tonight...I didn't want to do it, but I did it for her. Now, after it's all said and done with, I'm glad I did and I'm looking forward to our next class. Even more so, I'm looking forward to when I can lead someone to Christ!

When I was a rebellious teen, I had a little note taped up on the inside of my closet door that said, "Who Cares?" It was a sign of my attitude toward most things in life. I didn't really care who I hurt, or how I hurt myself. One day, while looking in my closet for clothes, I noticed where my grandmother had taken a pencil and had written, "Grandma does" underneath it. That note hung in that closet until my mom and step dad sold that house a few years ago. ---I will always remember her. She was so precious to me. Grandma always cared. Even if I thought no one else did, I always knew she did.

Thank you to everyone who has shared an encouraging word with me. For the calls, the emails, the comments you left on this blog and pictures you've sent. My cousins have been so precious during this time. They really made me feel like I was a part of everything. Oh, how I wanted to be there. Only God knows how much.

"I love you Grandma, and I'm going to miss you terribly."

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yes, you did it for her, but you also did it for HIM!!! I kept telling Grandma "think of how many people you are able to touch while being here (in the hospital). This is your mission field just like Nina and Michael's is in Portugal." And now I tell you Nina, "think of how many people you are able to touch while you are in your mission field." I am proud of you for starting classes today. It will actually give you strength remembering that Grandma helped you begin this wonderful journey to learn the language to reach lost souls for HIM. See, she is still reaching people for Jesus- through all of us!

"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." Matt 5:16

Nina, go shine because "Grandma cares"!

-Joy

Tori said...

What a wonderful gift you had in Grandma.

Wow I can really feel for you. The hardest thing about the mission field is just what your going through.

Hang in there, God sure does know how to fix broken hearts.

Debbie Garbutt said...

So sorry to hear about your Grandma. Not an easy way to start your ministry, but God's grace will see you through.

Anonymous said...

Can I just tell you that I hate crying at work! You made me cry at work! Well, I really do want to tell you that EVERYONE who came to Grandma's room in the hospital had to know that Grandma had a granddaughter who was a missionary in Portugal. Even the last time I saw her, she was asking your mom for pictures to show the nurses of you. She was SO very proud of your ministry and the person that you turned out to be! I just thought you might want to know just how much it meant to Grandma that you were over there. She even made me write down your blog info so that the nurse would be able to read all about you. I missed you a lot during the funeral and the visitation, but Grandma would have wanted you to be right where God put you! I love you and my heart really does go out to you! I love you!
Danielle

Anonymous said...

Nina, we have a special family!! God is all around us. I REALLY need him right now. Thank you Joy and Danielle.
Love Mom (Aunt Wanda)

Anonymous said...

Nina, here's the lyrics to a wonderful song i heard today. It made me tear up thinkin about your Grandma. I thought I'd send it to you. It is Awesome!

Martyr's Song

Sing O son of Zion
Shout O child of mine
Rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind

I've been waiting to dance with you
In fields full of colors you've never seen
And I've been waiting to show you beauty
You never dreamed that's always been in you
I've been waiting to see you tremble as you're embraced
By a world saturated with My Love
And I've been waiting for the day when at last I got to say
My child you are finally home

Sing O son of Zion
Shout O child of mine
Rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind
For you are finally home

I've been waiting to watch you realize
What all your longing was for
And I've been waiting to show you the thread of grace
That ran through all your pain
And I've been waiting to let you drink the water of which
Your greatest joy on earth was just a taste
And I've been waiting for the day when at last I got to say
My child you are finally home

Sing O son of Zion
Shout O child of mine
Rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind
Sing O daughter of Zion
Cry out O child of mine
Dance with all the strength that you can find
For you are finally home

Every tear you cried dried in the palm of my hand
Every lonely hour was by my side
Every loved one lost, every river crossed
Every moment, every hour was pointing to this day
I've been longing for this day

I've been waiting to dance with you
In fields full of colors you've never seen
And I've been waiting to show you beauty
You never dreamed that's always been in you
I've been waiting to see you tremble as you're embraced
By a world saturated with My Love
And I've been waiting for the day when at last I got to say
My child you are finally home

We Love you All and are Praying for you!
-Bro. Chris

Erica Lynn said...

I barely know you, but I want to give you a hug. A hug from a sister in Christ that is praying for you. I'm sure your Grandma is rejoicing in heaven and praying for you and your family. God bless!

Holly said...

How beautiful! I want to give you a hug, too, and I don't even know you.

I know this post is nearly a year old, but I have so enjoyed reading your journal and just had to comment as I go.

with love and a big hug,
Holly